The Book of X
by ZANNE
Summary: A collection of random stories from the tormented mind of ZANNE! New story! Remember that really evil look Mystique got on her face after Kurt and Rogue blew her off in "Ascension 2"? This is about her insane REVENGE on them! R & R my dawgs!
1. Isn't Blue a Pretty Color?

Hey hey hey, it's Silver Smiles! Actually, now it's ZANNE! I changed it because I have so many aliases that I was getting myself confused. This is my new story but I'd like to give some shout outs because I'm so grateful that somebody actually read my other stupid story and it warms my heart to read all the nice things you said! Here we go!  
  
DorothyWhainright: I'm glad you thought it was interesting! There were a lot of other words you could have used to describe it...  
  
Cheesy Monkey: Thanks for reviewing! Rogue defiantly has some personality issues. She's like the Brain when he sings "Jeckel Jeckel Hyde, Jeckel Hyde Hyde Jeckel" on that weird episode of "Arthur"  
  
Black Phoenix: That's what I live for. Making people larf! But sometimes they laugh at me when I'm not trying to make them laugh at all!  
  
Aniron Sauron Greenleaf-Took: Wow, that's a long name. Ok, thanks for reviewing! Thank you for acknowledging that I am indeed insane. "Kelly's Madness" was pretty strange.  
  
Pammy: Glad I could make you laugh! I wish I could laugh my ass off. It would save me a lot of time working out!  
  
ToiletDuck85: Your wait is over my friend! Now you can die happy!  
  
Snitter in Rivendell: I am honored that you reviewed my story! I love yours with all of my crazy heart and hope you update them soon! PEACE!  
  
Becky allen (Golden-Tuna): HA! You reviewed my lame ass story! Did Jared read it too? Alexandra did!  
  
Golden-Tuna: I love all your stories! I can't believe you wrote 4 already! Did Caity have a birthday party? She said she was going to but never called me back to tell me about it. Maybe she got grouded again..  
  
Alexandra: Thanks for reviewing! You need a penname! I hope school is going well for you! You're in 8th grade now right?  
  
Phew! That was a whole page right there! That will make my story longer! I'm so conniving...  
  
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This is going to be one of those stories where every chapter is like a separate story because I've always wondered what it must feel like to have my very own chapter story. I like chapter stories! So keep your arms and legs inside the fanfiction at all times and prepare for The Book of ZANNE!  
  
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My first story is about what happened REALLY happened on the night that Mystique dropped Kurt into the river. ENJOY!  
  
Isn't Blue a Pretty Color?  
  
As she held him in her arms she knew that she would never be alone again. She knew that as long as she had him, all of her troubles would be over and she could finally be happy. HA! Yeah right!  
  
So Mystique had just given birth and now the whole hospital was going crazy because her baby looked like a demon! The midwives had run out of the room to tell someone and her "husband" had disappeared right after the birth. Mysterious...  
  
She looked down at the sleeping baby in her arms. He was blue and furry and he had a tail and yellow eyes and.. But you all know that already, so let's move on shall we?  
  
Mystique knew that she had to get out of there before they took him away or killed him because of the way he looked. And she could never let THAT happen!  
  
So, being the conniving blue fiend that she is, Mystique shape shifted into a nurse, covered her baby up in a blanket, and walked as un-suspiciously as a woman who had just given birth could out the door.  
  
And it would have all been well and good if the same nurse that she changed into didn't just happen to walk by at the same moment as Mystique did.  
  
"Oh my stars and garters!!" screamed the nurse. Actually, she said something a little more fresh than that but remember this is PG.  
  
So Mystique did the only thing that she could do; she did a spinning loopy kick and dropped that screaming nurse on her screaming butt!  
  
But since she was still sore and painy, Mystique didn't knock the nurse on her butt very hard, so the nurse, whom we shall now call Peggy(1), got up and ran down the hall to find someone to help her deal with her kicking clone.  
  
Mystique took this time to run down the hallway towards the elevator and as she heard that little ding sound she jumped right into the elevator without even seeing who was inside it first.  
  
Inside the elevator were about 5 people. One was a hunched old man with a cane who smelled like a mothball, there was a lady with a gown and fuzzy slippers on and an IV needle sticking out of her arm, a man with an eye patch carrying an oxygen tank on a wheely cart, and 2 big man nurses from the crazy ward.  
  
Trying to look nonchalant, Mystique tightened the blankets around her bundle and pressed the big number 1 button on that thing on the wall of the elevator.  
  
Just as they were on floor 6, the hunched old man started hacking. He started banging on the floor with his trusty can every time he hacked and started to play a mean beat after awhile. Anyway, as one of the big man nurses went over to help the old man with his dilemma, he bumped into Mystique, who was still in Peggy form, and it startled her so that she accidentally turned back into her true Mystique form!  
  
"Oh my good golly gosh!" yelled the other man nurse (again, PG) as he jumped backwards away from Mystique. At this point the old man had finally stopped hacking and was staring at the wall as if it were Mystique. The lady was just drooling and the oxygen man now had the mouth piece to his face and was breathing in and out of it. What happened to the 2nd man nurse is irrelevant right now.  
  
Seeing no other option, Mystique did a spinny flippy kick on his face that knocked him to the ground, stunned.  
  
Since the real Peggy had probably already found someone and told them what had happened, then had probably been shipped off to the crazy ward, Mystique decided to take the guise of the man nurse she had just kicked in the face.  
  
With her baby still wrapped tight in her arms, she got out of the elevator even though they were on the 4th floor, and ran towards the steps.  
  
Just then, the baby started to cry.  
  
"Shhhhhh, shut up baby," cooed Mystique as she tried to get her child to stop crying.  
  
That did it. Now he started to scream and kick around, knocking the blankets covering his face loose.  
  
Just as Mystique was debating whether or not to just flippy loopy kick him too, a couple walked by and of course, the woman had to stop and see the crying baby.  
  
"Awwww! What's the matter little fussy pa- AAHHHHHHH!!!!"  
  
Hearing his wife's scream, the husband waked over to see what was wrong and he too let out a string of cuss words that shant be written down.  
  
Mystique figured that it was easier just to run for it then to do some more kick because, like I said before, she had just given birth and was sore and painy.  
  
As she ran, the baby began to scream even louder, causing heads to turn towards the man nurse running away from a hysterical couple carrying a screaming baby in his arms.  
  
Just as she was about to collapse, she saw it. SALVATION! The hospital exit!  
  
She burst through the doors and onto the pavement outside so fast that she knocked over a stretcher and an old lady in a wheelchair on her way.  
  
Since the hospital was on a steep hill, Mystique decided to hijack the old lady's wheelchair and speed down the hill like a locomotive.  
  
Almost causing a 5 car pile up on her way, she finally reached the bottom of the hill and ran into a dark alley way to hide in a card board box.  
  
As night fell, she knew that she had to do something soon. She had no food, and no food meant no milk for the baby. She hadn't even come up with a name for him yet! She figured if she named him she would get too attached to him so she had just been calling it "you".  
  
Just when all hope seemed lost, a tall shadowy figure floated down from the sky and landed right in front of her cardboard box home.  
  
Mystique changed into a hobo and tried to hide in the box, but the figure raised its hand and suddenly all the trashcans in the alley began to shake and rattle.  
  
Mystique knew that it already knew she was there, so she changed back into her true self and yelled out to it, "Who are you and what do you want?"  
  
The strange figure replied, "If you come with me, I can help you. You, and your son."  
  
"How do you know about my son?" Mystique was scared now. What did this freak want with them?  
  
"That does not matter now. All that does matter is that if you come with me I can give you shelter and food. It wouldn't be wise to refuse this kind offer."  
  
Mystique, realizing that she had no other choice stood up holding her son tightly, and slowly walked toward the figure.  
  
"You have made the right choice. I am Magneto, the master of magnetism. Come with me now." said the figure.  
  
Just then, a metaly orb thing appeared out of nowhere and opened up. Magneto gestured for Mystique to get in and indeed she did get in. Than, Magneto closed up the orb and he started to fly away, taking the orb with him.  
  
So many thoughts were running through Mystique's head that it was hard for her to think strait. Who is this guy? Where is he taking us? What is that smell?  
  
After about 8 hours of flying, they finally landed. As Mystique got out of the orb, she notices that she was in the mountains. She had never been in a place like this before, and she was nervous. She held onto her now sleeping baby tighter.  
  
"Welcome to Germany Raven, I think you'll like it here."  
  
Mystique looked at Magneto like he had just said, "Blllluuuaaaahhhhhgggggggererer!"  
  
Germany? What was she doing in Germany? And how did he know her name?  
  
"Do you see that castle? That is where we shall be staying." Magneto pointed at a huge, old castle on a cliff and Mystique shivered. This was all too weird, even for her.  
  
As she entered the castle, the first thing she noticed was how dark it was. Dark and cold. Was this the kind of place her newborn was going to stay in? But maybe with his appearance this was the environment he was best suited for.  
  
"Why have you taken me here?" Mystique asked coldly.  
  
Magneto just replied, "You're mutant powers appeal to me. You would be a great asset to me."  
  
"Asset? For what?"  
  
"More and more mutants are born every day. Your son is one of us too as you can plainly see. Soon it will be harder and harder for us to keep ourselves a secret. And why should we? We are the superior race! We should be feared by all and rule this earth! When that time comes, what side will you be on?"  
  
Mystique knew what he wanted from her. He wanted her to fight for him. To be his ally against the human race. She had always hated humans. She had never been able to be accepted by them. She was locked away most of her childhood to keep hidden from the world. She had grown bitter and heartless towards them but she still fell in love with one. That was a mistake.  
  
"Would you rather you have your son grow up in a world that hates him or fears him? Fears us." Magneto held out his hand.  
  
Mystique had no choice but to shake it. What else could she do? At least here she had shelter. It wasn't a Holiday Inn but it was better than nothing.  
  
"A wise decision. I will show you to your room and where you and your child can rest."  
  
Though she was incredibly hungry, rest sounded good. She followed Magneto to a room on the 2nd floor that had a cot and an old wooden crib in it. She put her baby gently into the crib and then collapsed onto her bed and immediately fell asleep.  
  
She had no idea how long she had been asleep. It was dark outside and there was a cold breeze rattling the old glass windows of her room.  
  
She thought about what had waken her up. A baby crying! She quickly got up and looked into the crib. It was empty.  
  
Panicking, Mystique ran towards the sound of the baby's cries. As they got louder, her heart beat faster.  
  
Finally she came upon a large room at the end of a corridor. In it she saw Magneto hunched over an operating table with strange machines all around.  
  
Her heart nearly stopped when she realized what was on the table. Her little baby. He was covered in suction cups and there were needles poking into his tiny arms.  
  
"Monster, what have you done to him!?!" screamed Mystique as she ran towards the table to rescue her son.  
  
She ripped him off of the table before Magneto could stop her, hurting her baby as the needles were torn out of his skin.  
  
Without a second thought she ran. Her child felt different in her arms somehow.  
  
She ran out of the huge doors and out into the freshly fallen snow. She could hear wolves chasing her, howling in their pursuit. Magneto was not far behind. He hovered hauntingly towards her, gaining on her until she reached a long rope bridge over a river.  
  
The wolves had surrounded her. She had nowhere else to run. Magneto hovered nearby, as if enjoying her helplessness.  
  
Suddenly, a some wolves reared up and snapped their jaws at her, knocking her off balance. She could only watch as her only child was thrown out of her hands an dropped into the raging river 50 feet below.  
  
Dropping to her knees, Mystique began to sob.  
  
"Why? Why?" She received no reply.  
  
Hansel Wagner was out fishing in the river behind his small cozy German cottage when he heard a strange noise. It sounded almost like a baby crying. Holy smokes! It was a baby crying! But where was it coming from?  
  
He looked out onto the river just in time to see a small bundle floating his way. "Gretel! Get out here now!" Of course he was speaking in German, but I can't speak German, can you?  
  
Hansel's wife, Gretel came running out of the cottage just in time to see her husband wade out into the middle of the river and catch the bundle of crying cloth.  
  
"What is it?" she asked.  
  
"Look..." was all he could say.  
  
Indeed she did look and saw a blue 3 fingered hand reach out to her.  
  
"It's a baby Hansel, A BABY!" she yelled grabbing the bundle.  
  
"Baby," he said, "BABY! A baby of our very own?"  
  
"We have finally been blessed with a child, and not just any child, A very special child sent by God himself!" his wife yelled as she cradled the baby in her arms.  
  
Little did they know, that behind a rock in the bushes, was Mystique. She had seen the old couple's joy and her own small thrill of becoming a parent was easily smooshed by these people's enthusiasm.  
  
They could offer him much more that she could. Mystique then made the decision to leave her child. Inside, no matter how much she tried to hide it, there was a sense of relief. She could never be a good mother. And she was only concerned about her own well being, a child would get in her way. But still...  
  
She had no choice now. She had to go back to Magneto. He was her only alternative.  
  
As she turned to leave, she took one last look at her son. Inside she hoped that he would become a better person than she was and that they would someday meet again.  
  
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WOW! I can't believe that I wrote that much! It got really serious in some parts and then strange in others. Well I hope you like it! Please review and visit my site! And sign the guestbook too!  
  
PEACE 


	2. Hurricane ZANNE

DUN DUN DUUUN! It's another chapter of "The Book of X"! I just realized that I put one of those little (1) things after I mentioned that the nurse's name was now Peggy, then I forgot to put the thing at the bottom saying what it means! HOW EMBARRASSING! Anyway, Peggy was the name of the nurse at my camp. Peggy is the shizzle! And she loves Veggie Tales! LONG LIVE VEGGIE TALES! So this is da new story. But first, THE SHOUT OUTS!  
  
Isn't it sad that I have only 3 shout outs to shout out? That's what I thought..  
  
Scrawler: Such a wonderful person you are! Reviewing both of my stories and then entertaining us all with your own! You can all learn something from Scrawler, people! And signing da guestbook too! I think my heart just stopped. You have no idea what a thrill it is to find a new entry in my guestbook that's NOT from Golden_Tuna!  
  
Golden_Tuna: Why do I even bother shouting out to you? YOU NEVER SHOUT OUT TO ME! But because ZANNE is kind she will give you this: happie u lykd da stry( gr8 jorb on ur own! du ur bessst! TAKE THAT TUNA! YOU LYING SCUMBAG!  
  
Snitter in Rivendell: I'm glad you liked it! Keep up the good work with your own fantabulistic stories!  
  
By the way, I don't own X-Men Evolution. ZANNE doesn't want any trouble with da law so I have to put this here. Don't sue ZANNE! Heh heh, sue zanne.  
  
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This is the story of what happens when Hurricane ZANNE hits the Institute! ENJOY!  
  
Hurricane ZANNE  
  
One fine day, a day like any other day, the X-children were sitting around the mansion pondering existence. Suddenly, the regularly scheduled program was interrupted by an important announcement.  
  
"HEY! They were just about to pull the mask off the bad guy!" Evan yelled from the couch.  
  
"It was Farmer Herby with his evil field plowing machine! Now shut up Evan!" Rogue spoke forcefully to him. (I didn't want to use yell 2 times in a row!)  
  
"We interrupt your regularly scheduled program to bring you this important announcement." said Mister Television.  
  
"Strong winds reaching up to 150 miles per hour are heading towards the Bayville area and are expected to hit within the next few hours. Residents are advised to take shelter and avoid flying their kites until the storm is over."  
  
"AW MAN! I had a feeling that this would be the day I finally fly this stupid kite! There are no kite eating trees in Bayville!" moaned Charlie Brown, who was standing beside the door with big red kite in his hand.  
  
Everyone looked at Charlie Brown because it was so obvious that he was in the wrong cartoon and so Rogue punted him out the door where he was swept away by the strong winds.  
  
"UUUUUUGGGGGGG"  
  
"So what are we going to do NOW?" asked Kitty.  
  
"Don't worry! The mansion is super strong and insulated, we'll be fine!" Scott said.  
  
"Hurricane ZANNE has reached 250 miles per hour and is going to hit Bayville any minute! It doesn't matter how insulated your mansion is anyway!" Mister Television said.  
  
"Shut up!" So Scott got up and turned of Mister Television.  
  
"Who wants an ice cream sandwich?" he asked.  
  
But there was nobody left in the room to ask because they had all run away when the TV started talking back to Scott. So Scott just shrugged his shoulders and went to go get a tasty ice cream treat for himself.  
  
But just as he opened the freezer door, the window in the kitchen blew open and the mighty gust of wind pushed Scott into the freezer! OH NO!  
  
Meanwhile!  
  
Kurt was walking through the hallway of the mansion. He was looking for Storm because he knew that she might be able to stop the hurricane with her crazy weather powers.  
  
But he couldn't find Storm. He had looked in the greenhouse and her room too but she was nowhere to be found!  
  
"STORM!" he yelled.  
  
Just then, a mighty clap of thunder boomed outside. This sound startled Kurt so much that he teleported.  
  
When the smoke finally cleared, he realized he was in some sort of crazy room that he had never been in before.  
  
"Uh oh, where am I?!" Kurt yelled. Then, he realized that he shouldn't be yelling if he didn't know where he was.  
  
He started looking around. It took him a few seconds to realize that he was in the Cerebro room because instead of the walls being a steal gray color, they were a crazy tie dye color.  
  
"What is going on in here?" he wondered out loud.  
  
Just then, he noticed that the weird screen thing that jumped out at you on the Cerebro monitor was turned on and had a message on it.  
  
Because Kurt is just so curious, and we all would have done the same thing in his place, he walked over to it and started to read...  
  
Mean to the While!  
  
Kitty had gone back to her room. She was getting all her clothes and shoving them into a large bag.  
  
"There's no way that I'M going to get caught in this hurricane. And neither is any of my stuff!" she said as she stuffed Lockheed into the bag.  
  
So, swinging her sack over her shoulder, she headed through the door and towards the basement.  
  
She walked into the kitchen to get some previsions and heard a strange noise. It sounded like a banging, but it was coming from INSIDE THE FREEZER!  
  
"AAAGHHHH! THERE'S LIKE A GHOST IN THE FREEZER!"  
  
And then she dropped her bag and ran out of the kitchen screaming. Little did she know that it was not a ghost at all.  
  
Just then, another gust of wind blew open a door right in front of her.  
  
She was running so blindly that she didn't even see it.  
  
WHACK! She smacked face first into the door.  
  
"Kitty!" yelled Jean Grey as she ran over to the spot where Kitty lay. "Are you OK?" Woah, that rimed. YEAH! Riming is the shizzle.  
  
But all Kitty could say was "ughhh.."  
  
"That isn't much help Kitty!" Jean huffed. But then she remembered that Kitty had just smacked into an open door and decided that she should be more sympathetic.  
  
"Come on, let's go get some ice for your face.."  
  
Mean-izzle While-fizzle!  
  
Evan and Rogue had both heeded Mister Television's words and had gone into one of the many metal basements of the institute.  
  
"Do you think we should go get the others?" asked Evan.  
  
"No! If we go up there we might get swept away by the winds!" yelled Rogue, swinging her arms at Evan like a windmill.  
  
"But how do we even know that there ARE winds? We can't hear anything from all the way down here!"  
  
And he was right! They were on the -8th floor of the Institute and couldn't hear anything that was going on above them.  
  
"I guess your right! But you have to go up first. If I went up there and got swept away, it would be a catastrophe! We can risk you because you're a much less popular character." said Rogue.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Nothing!"  
  
"Ok, but you have to cover me. If there is a lot of wind up there and I get swept away, grab my legs and pull me back down here."  
  
So they both went up in the crazy little elevator and cautiously opened the door to the main level of the Institute.  
  
"1, 2, 3!" yelled Evan.  
  
He opened the door so forcefully that he fell flat on his face on the carpet. Then Rogue soon discovered that there was no wind sweeping through the mansion and stepped out of the basement.  
  
"SEE? THERE'S NO WIND! AND NOW I HAVE A BLOODY NOSE!" screamed Evan, who indeed DID have a bloody nose.  
  
"Well you never know!" Rogue yelled back. "I didn't think that there were winds up here anyway! The doors and windows are all closed and.."  
  
But just at that moment, a window on the wall next to Evan suddenly blew open. The window was blown open with so much force that it smashed Evan and his bloody nosed self into the wall and he was squashed.  
  
"... That was weird." said Rogue. But since it was ONLY Evan, she just shrugged and walked towards the kitchen to get some of those ice cream sandwiches Scott had mentioned earlier.  
  
While Mean!!!!  
  
Kurt was shocked at what he had just read. It was an instant message from someone named honeybubble23 and the message they had written was displayed on the screen. It said:  
  
honeybubble23: 'Hey there sweet cheeks! I got ur last message and I think ur 1 sexy dude. What r u wearing right now?'  
  
And underneath that message was one that someone from the Institute had written:  
  
X-Dawg: (1) 'Well, I've got on a green sweater with a black turtle neck and sexy brown pants. And I've got nothing on my feet..'  
  
honeybubble23: 'MEOW! Such a sexy beast! So, where r u right now?'  
  
X-Dawg: 'You know that big mansion next to the bay?'  
  
honeybubble23: 'U mean u live at that school for freaks? I herrd about that place on da news!'  
  
X-Dawg: 'Oh yeah! We've got plenty of freaks here! There's this one crazy girl who sucks the life out of people like and evil sponge and then this freakish looking blue guy with a tail and another freak who turns into a scary flame boy! They're all a bunch of losers! Except me, I run the place. And I'm a sexy beast, remember?'  
  
honeybubble23: 'Wow , that's freaky, so... do you want to start?'  
  
X-Dawg: 'Sure! Just wait a few minutes. I have to get my whip..'  
  
"AAAAAHHHHHHH!" yelled Kurt. "GROSS!"  
  
So he teleported out of there to escape before the Professor returned... with his whip! *shivers*  
  
Kurt teleported to the kitchen and was surprised to see Jean there.  
  
"Hey Jean. What happened to HER?" he asked, pointing at Kitty, who Jean had had to drag all the way down the hall to get some ice.  
  
"She hit a door. I'm getting ice!" Jean said happily. "Wanna help?"  
  
"You need help getting ice? Just open the freezer and scoop some out!"  
  
"Humph!" huffed Jean, "I bet Scott would help me if HE were here! Hey, where is Scott anyway?"  
  
Just then Rogue entered the kitchen and Jean and Kurt both stared at her.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Have you seen Scott?" asked Kurt, "We lost him."  
  
"Well, Evan is smooshed all over the wall, and if Scott's missing... then there's only one explanation for this!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Evan and Scott are actually the same person!" yelled Rogue, "It all makes sense to me now!" she smiled evilly.  
  
"You're crazy, now help me get some ice Kurt or I'll.."  
  
But what Jean was going to do to Kurt went unknown because at that moment she was interrupted by a banging noise coming from inside the freezer.  
  
"It's the ghost!" yelled Kitty. She had just regained consciousness and was now curled up in a ball. "Protect me Jean!"  
  
"Don't be silly Kitty! Everyone knows that there's no such thing as ghosts!"  
  
"Then it was a monster! HOLD ME SOMEBODY!"  
  
"I think it's coming from the freezer..." said Kurt as he walked over to the freezer door and listened for the banging noise again.  
  
BANG BANG BANGGGG!  
  
"Yup, in the freezer! Was I right or what?"  
  
"Well open it!" commanded Rogue.  
  
"Why don't YOU open it?!" said Kurt.  
  
"Fine!"  
  
So she went over to the freezer and pulled on the door and out fell the frozen form of.. SCOTT!  
  
"Oh my stars and garters!" yelled Jean as she dropped Kitty on the floor and ran to Scott.  
  
Scott was frozen and shivering. As Jean was rubbing him trying to melt the ice, Rogue, Kitty, and Kurt burst out laughing.  
  
"Shut up! It's not funny!" yelled Jean.  
  
"How did he get in the freezer?" laughed Rogue.  
  
"How should I know?"  
  
"Read his mind dumb ass."  
  
"Oh, that's right. I'm a telepath aren't I?"  
  
So Jean put her fingers on her temples even though she really didn't need to, and went into Scott's mind.  
  
"Let's see, there's a lot of stuff about Magneto and teamwork and.. ICE CREAM SANDWICHES!"  
  
"Is that why he was in the freezer?" asked Kitty. "At least know we know it wasn't a ghost or a monster."  
  
"Are you as bored with this as I am?" Kurt asked Rogue.  
  
"Yeah, let's go play paintball!"  
  
"But there's a hurricane out there! We can't play paintball in a hurricane!"  
  
"Why not?" asked Kitty.  
  
"Do I have to explain it?"  
  
"YES!" yelled Kitty and Rogue.  
  
"FINE! Have it YOUR way! Nobody ever listens to the Fuzzy One anyway!" huffed Kurt.  
  
"So Kurt, Kitty, and Rogue all donned their paintballing apparel and went outside. But as Kurt predicted, Hurricane ZANNE swept them all away.  
  
That just leaves Jean and frozen Scott. But we never did find out where Storm was did we?  
  
Storm had been sitting quietly in the greenhouse with a good book when all of a sudden.. SHAZAM! The greenhouse window blew open and the wind swept her away! Happy now?  
  
So that just leaves Jean and frozen Scott. And just in case you were wondering, Beast had taken the new recruits on a field trip into Hurricane ZANNE so that they could learn about wind speed and they all were swept away too. And Logan was on a secret mission in somewhere. He was getting milk and eggs. And I don't think that you really WANT to know where the Professor is...  
  
SO that still leaves Jean and frozen Scott. But Scott had begun to thaw out a little and just sat in a puddle with Jean's arms wrapped around him.  
  
"Jjjjjean?" asked shivering Scott.  
  
"What is it Scottylumps?"  
  
"Do you want an ice cream sandwich?"  
  
But at that moment, another strong breeze came through the still open window and Jean and Scott were, you guessed it, SWEPT AWAY!!!!  
  
And what the hell, smooshed Evan was also SWEPT AWAY!!!!  
  
Where were they all swept away to you ask? Did they all just disappear? NO!!! ZANNE would never let that happen.  
  
They were all SWEPT AWAY to New Jersey! And they played with ZANNE, and Golden_Tuna, and Maxwell's Silver Hammer and everyone was happy!  
  
THE END-IZZLE  
  
(1) I stole that name from Golden_Tuna. How can it be srong when it sounded so right! Go read her story to see the continuing adventures of X-Dawg!  
  
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So what do you think? I know it sucked but humor me a little OK? Then maybe I'll have some self-esteem! READ AND REVIEW PEOPLE! AND DON'T FORGET TO VISIT MY SITE AND SIGN DA GUESTBOOK! IF I WASN'T TOTALLY SERIOUS ABOUT THIS THEN DO YOU THINK I'D BE WRITING IN ALL CAPS? 


	3. What would you do for a Klondike Bar?

HOWDY Y'ALL! Are ya ready for another splendiferous chapter of "The Book of X"? THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT! Here we go! SHOUT OUTS first of course.  
  
Scrawler: Thanks sooo much for reviewing my story and I hope that you can start your own site soon!  
  
Golden-Tuna: Yes. It is INDEED the shizzle.  
  
So now that that's all out of the way, we can get down to business.  
  
This story is about what some of the characters of X-Men Evolution would do for a Klondike Bar! In this story, you get to see more of the violent, evil, conniving side of ZANNE! ENJOY!  
  
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What would you do for a Klondike Bar? For that chocolate coated ice cream Covered way too thick no room for a stick! What would you do-o-oo for a Klondike Bar?!  
  
Hey there Scott! What would you do for a Klondike Bar?  
  
Scott: Well, I'd destroy Apocalypse and save the entire human race!  
  
But wouldn't you do that even if there wasn't a Klondike Bar involved?  
  
Scott: Oh yeah. OK...I'd go up to Principal Kelly and then I'd PULL DOWN HIS PANTS and then I'd gather all the mutants up and we can all pattle his buttocks in a very public place where there are lots and lots of TV cameras!  
  
OK.. You do that Scott.  
  
Scott: MWAH HA HAAAA!  
  
So anyway, Jean Grey, what would YOU do for a Klondike Bar?  
  
Jean Grey: Let's see, I'd put on a lot of Rogue's scary goth makeup and walk around school!  
  
That was pretty lame, but here you go! ZANNE tosses her a Klondike Bar.  
  
Jean Grey: HUZZAH!  
  
She shoves the whole thing in her mouth with the wrapper still on.  
  
Well then, moving on.. WAIT A MINUTE! YOU STILL HAVE TO DO IT! Oh to hell with it, who's next? AH HA! My secret lover, KURT!  
  
Kurt: That's me!  
  
ZANNE hugs Kurt.  
  
So, what would the Fuzzy Dude do for a Klondike Bar?  
  
Kurt: I would turn off my image inducer in front of EVERYONE!  
  
Really? Just for a small confectionary frozen treat?  
  
Kurt: You bet your socks I would!  
  
NO! I love my socks too much to risk them! Kitty, what would you do for a Klondike Bar?  
  
Kitty: I'd like totally run around town in my pajamas!  
  
But you already did that!  
  
Kitty: Really? OHHH! THAT'S RIGHT! And I never gave Kurt what he really deserved for it!  
  
But you pummeled him with a feather down pillow!  
  
Kitty: I did?  
  
Gee Kitty, your memory sucks. It sucks like a Hoover vacuum!  
  
Kitty: Well how about this, I'll seriously injure Kurt!  
  
NO! Don't you dare lay a hand on my Kurt, you hoe bag!  
  
Kitty: Can I seriously injure Scott?  
  
SURE! Why not?  
  
Kitty: Oki doki!  
  
NEXT! Rogue, what would you do for a Klondike Bar?  
  
Rogue: Why do you think I'd want your stupid Klondike Bar in the first place?  
  
Because nobody can resist the Klondike Bar!  
  
Rogue: Well I sure can! Now excuse me while I walk away from you.  
  
She tries to leave.  
  
COME BACK HERE WENCH!  
  
ZANNE shoves Klondike Bar into her mouth.  
  
Rogue: MMMFFF!  
  
That'll teach you to mess with ZANNE! ZANNE punts Rogue out the door. (1)  
  
Pheww! Now that that's over, Evan, what would you do for a Klondike Bar?  
  
Evan: I'd pull an alioop 360 arial flip guy while baking a cake on my skate board!  
  
Really?  
  
Evan: Yeah dawg.  
  
HOW DARE YOU CALL ME A DOG! YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF ANIMATION CRAP! Go do your stupid skate trick! See if ZANNE cares!  
  
Evan: Calm down homie. Just let me get my board, it's over herrrr..  
  
Whoah. ZANNE'S getting a LITTLE too worked up. How about I talk to someone more tolerable next?  
  
Tabitha: Hiya! Can I have some ice cream?  
  
Oh no. ZANNE puts her head in her hands. *Sigh* What would you do for a Klondike Bar?  
  
Tabitha: I'd blow up the school and the mall and the Thrift Way and the Chinese food place and the bank and the..  
  
SILENCE! You would do any of those things if you could! Even without the promise of a Klondike Bar!  
  
Tabitha: Yeah, you're right. But we could all use some  
  
ZANNE shakes her head. NEXT! What would you do for a Klondike Bar, Lance?  
  
Lance: I'd go and fight Apocalypse with the X-Men even though I already told Kitty that I wasn't!  
  
Oh come on! Can't any of you guys think of something more interesting to do?  
  
Lance: HEY! That would be humiliating for me! Did you see how rude I was in "Ascension 1"?  
  
Moving on. Wanda, what would you for a Klondike Bar?  
  
Wanda: Well, I definitely WOULDN'T go out with Toad, and I DEFINITLY WOULDN'T be nice to my father and my stupid brother!  
  
But what WOULD you do? That's that question! HAVE I NOT WORDED IT SPICIFICALLY ENOUGH FOR YOU?  
  
Wanda: Fine! I would harm Pietro and Toad, then I would hunt Magneto down and kill him then do away with his body!  
  
OK, JUST TAKE IT AND LEAVE ME ALONE! ZANNE throws Klondike Bar at Wanda.  
  
Wanda eats it ferociously.  
  
Ok, I'm just going to go over here. TOAD! WHAT WOULD YOU DO FOR A KLONDIKE BAR!  
  
Toad: Let's see yo, first I'd do something painful to Duncan Matthews, then I'd take a shower and THEN I'd make sweet, sweet love to Wanda!  
  
Wanda then zaps him with her random powers and he is thrown out the window.  
  
Toad: (In high pitched girly voice) AAHHHHHHH!  
  
HA! No Klondike Bar for you, yo! WHO'S NEXT?  
  
Jamie: OO OOO! Me next!  
  
Ok Jamie, what would you do for a Klondike Bar?  
  
Jamie: I'd dye Mister Logan's hair PINK! Then maybe I'd be accepted by the rest of the kids! OH HAPPY DAY!  
  
AWWW! YOU'RE SO CUTE! ZANNE ruffles his hair.  
  
Jamie: I AM NOT!  
  
Who's-izzle next-fizzle? Oh boy! It's Freddy!  
  
Freddy: Is that a Klondike Bar?  
  
Um, yeah...  
  
Freddy: Can I have it?  
  
Not unless you tell me what you would do for it first!  
  
Freddy: Uhhhh.. This question's too hard!  
  
Take your time!  
  
Freddy: Um 1+1=... GIVE ME THE FREAKIN' KLONDIKE BAR!  
  
You didn't tell me what you would do for it yet!  
  
Freddy: GGGRRRRROOOOWWWWLLLL!  
  
AHHHHHHH! ZANNE ducks and runs far, far away.  
  
ALEX! What would you do for a Klondike Bar?  
  
Alex: I'd surf through shark infested waters with my hands tied behind my back all while trying to unlock this safe!  
  
Alex pulls a large safe with a combination lock out of no where.  
  
Can you really do that?  
  
Alex: I'd do ANYTHING for a Klondike Bar!  
  
THAT'S THE BEST ANSWER I'VE GOTTEN ALL DAY! Even though you're a pointless character and related to Scott I want to HUG YOU! ZANNE hugs Alex.  
  
Alex: It's the Sun In! Chicks dig the Sun In!  
  
Moving on... ZANNE walks back to where she was, dodging hungry Blob.  
  
PIETRO! What would you do for a Klondike Bar?  
  
Pietro: Why should I have to tell you when I can just do this!  
  
Pietro goes up the ZANNE with his super speed and STEALS THE KLONDIKE BAR RIGHT OUT OF HER HANDS!  
  
Pietro: HA! Your too slow for me!  
  
Why you little bitch! ZANNE tackles Pietro and grabs his hair until he is screaming and let's go of the ice cream treat!  
  
TAKE THAT YOU BEE-YATCH! ZANNE leaves Pietro in a heap on the floor.  
  
Pyro: What you got there shiela?  
  
Why, this is a Klondike Bar my good sir. What would you do for it?  
  
Pyro touches the Klondike Bar.  
  
Pyro: OUCH! IT'S SO COLD!  
  
He runs away.  
  
Ok... Gambit! What would you do for a Klondike Bar?  
  
Gambit: I don't know. I'm a masta tief, not an ice cream man!  
  
What?  
  
Gambit: YOINK!  
  
Gambit grabs the Klondike Bar from ZANNE, throws a flaming card, and jumps out the window. So ZANNE steps on the card and it goes out.  
  
Why do I bother?  
  
Just then, Mystique walks into the room.  
  
Mystique: Give me that Klondike Bar or FACE MY WRATH!  
  
BRING IT ON!  
  
So ZANNE and Mystique engage in a "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" like fight and of course ZANNE wins in the end.  
  
"You have fought well blue woman," says ZANNE, her mouth keeps moving but no words are coming out and her voice in unusually high pitched. (2)  
  
ZANNE leaves Mystique in a heap next to Pietro, making it look like they beat each other to death. ZANNE can't have Kurt thinking that she beat up his mommy now can she?  
  
Suddenly, ZANNE hears a big crowd outside. So ZANNE goes outside and sees a huge mob of mutants all paddling Principal Kelly's buttocks in the middle of the street!  
  
Scott: So where's my Klondike Bar?  
  
ZANNE throws it at him but because Scott is a butterfingers, he misses and it land on the sidewalk where a little boy on his bicycle runs over it.  
  
Scott: NNNNNOOOOOOO (In slow motion) (3)  
  
Dem's the breaks! Next ZANNE sees Kurt running down the street without his image inducer being chased by an angry mob with torches and pitchforks.  
  
Kurt: YIKES!  
  
KURT! Here's you Klondike Bar! ZANNE throws him a Klondike Bar.  
  
Kurt: Oh yeah, THIS is going to help me!  
  
TELEPORT DUMBASS!  
  
Kurt: THAT'S RIGHT!  
  
So Kurt teleports away, but not before kicking Principal Kelly in the buttocks.  
  
Then, Kitty creeps up behind Scott with a silver hammer and it comes down upon his head! (4)  
  
Scott: ouchhh...  
  
Scott falls over on the ground.  
  
Kitty: SUCCESS! Like gimmee the Klondike Bar!  
  
So ZANNE gives Kitty the Klondike Bar because it would be just ever so rude to break a promise to a girl in a pony tail. And of course, everyone except Jean is ecstatic that Scott is down for the count. (5)  
  
Just then, ZANNE hears Evan scream.  
  
Evan: Look at me!!!!!  
  
Evan is on a huge ramp that came out of no where and is doing the olli 380 watchimacallit thingy that he mentioned earlier.  
  
Evan: Watch me know, daw (ZANNE gives him a dirty look).. Girl with the ice cream!  
  
Evan is doing his flippy thingy and trying to bake a cake put just as he opens the oven door, he remembers that HE FORGOT THE OVEN MITS!  
  
Evan: AAAAAAHHHH!!!! IT'S HOT!!  
  
Evan falls down and does not get up. ZANNE drops a Klondike Bar on his lifeless form.  
  
Pyro: Did someone say "HOT"?!?!?  
  
No.  
  
Pyro: Ohhhh..  
  
Pyro pouts and walks away.  
  
AWWWW! Here you go Pyro! ZANNE takes out a hot picket from her... pocket and gives it to Pyro!  
  
Pyro: HURRRAY!  
  
Pyro runs away laughing evily.  
  
Alex walks up to ZANNE. He is bloody and mangled.  
  
Alex: OK, I did it. Can I have my Klondike Bar?  
  
Ooooo, sorry Mister Sun In! I didn't see it!  
  
Alex: ...  
  
Alex faints and ZANNE piles him on top of Evan in a creepy position.  
  
ZANNE is entertained WAY too easily..  
  
Then, ZANNE sees about 20 Jamies run past followed by a pink haired Logan.  
  
Here you go you little rugrat! ZANNE tosses a Jamie the Klondike Bar, but since his hair is wet with hair dye he drops it. Then, he slips on it and falls down as Logan pounces on him!  
  
OOOPPPS!  
  
Freddy: FEED ME ZANNE!  
  
AHHHHH!!!! NO!  
  
ZANNE runs and tries to fly away but Freddy grabs her ankle. He shakes her upside down and a huge mound of Klondike Bars fall out of her pants.  
  
Freddy: HHHHOOOOLLLLKLKLK (6)  
  
ZANNE runs away, leaving The Blob to his ice cream.  
  
Well, you heard it folks! That's what the characters of X-Men Evolution would do for a Klondike Bar! Not a pretty site is it?  
  
And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make!  
  
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Like it? REVIEW AND SIGN DA GUESTBOOK! Hated it? Stick your head in a pot of boiling oil!  
  
Here are what the little number guys mean:  
  
(1) In my last story, Rogue punted Charlie Brown out the door! I love Charlie Brown like a kitten loves wool! (from Beckna) I had to get my revenge on Rogue for doing that evil thing to my little peanut!  
  
(2) You know those Chinese movies that are translated into English? For a minute ZANNE was in one of those movies.  
  
(3) I'm sure you've all heard how hella-cool Kurt sounds in slow motion. I wonder how Scott would sound in slow motion..  
  
(4) "..he creeps up from behind.. BANG, BANG Maxwell's silver hammer came down upon his head, BANG, BANG Maxwell's silver hammer made sure that she was dead!" I am a compulsive Beatles fan and had to make Kitty hit Scott on the head with a silver hammer! It's really a great song! The last little end part of the story, you know the "and in the end.." part? That's also part of Beatles song! Bet you didn't know that did you? Well now you know!  
  
(5) That is such a dorky line that Kurt says in "Self Possessed". I can't help it! I obsess over these little things! But come on! "Sabertooth" was crushed by a ton of rocks and so Kurt teleports on top of the pile and says "I think he's down for the count!" and then 2 seconds later "Juggernaught" bursts out. Why couldn't he just not say anything?  
  
(6) I was trying to make Freddy make the sound that Homer Simpson makes when he's about to eat something. You all know that sound. I couldn't write it because it's not writable!  
  
Wow. That's a lot of little number guys! Well, now it's time to go! Go on shoo! 


	4. Don't tell ME to save it you little punk...

HELLO AGAIN! What a beautiful day it is! Inspiration hit ZANNE like a ton of bricks. It hurt too.. So anyway, before we get on with the story, I want to do my lonely 2 shout outs.  
  
Scrawler: Thanks for reviewing! I hope you update your fics soon! Yes. Capitalizing is good. I think I'd die if I didn't have the caps lock button on my keyboard.  
  
Golden-Tuna: Hmmmm.. What would ZANNE do for a Klondike Bar you ask? Well, let's just say that it wouldn't be pretty.. And remember to put all your valuables in the furnace to keep them safe and don't worry, mommy killed him! (it's called an inside joke people! get used to it)  
  
Ok, now is the part were I put the disclaimer in that I forgot to do in all the other chapters. Let's make it interesting and turn it into a song!  
  
I don't own I don't own I don't oooowwwn X-Men Evolutiooooon! If I did If I did If I diiiiiiddd I'd be richhhhhh! Oh so do not sue the ZANNE because she doesn't ow ow own X-MEN EVOLUTIOOOONNN! Yeah  
  
Wasn't that fun?  
  
And do you all remember how Lance went to help Kitty fight Mags in "Ascension 2" even though he had been rude to her in "Ascension 1". Do you remember when I asked Lance what he would do for a Klondike Bar he said that he would go fight Magneto with Kitty? Well he did it! He did it for a Klondike Bar! You know it makes sense!  
  
Anyway, this story is mainly about Kurt, Rogue, and Mystique. Did any of you notice that really evil look that Mystique got on her face after Rogue and Kurt blew her off in "Ascension 2"? I sure did! Me thinks she's a yearnin' for some REVENGE! This takes place AFTER the 4th season in case you didn't catch on yet. So here we go! ENJOY!!  
  
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Don't tell ME to "save it", you little punks!  
  
One fine day, a day like any other day, Rogue and Kurt were lounging around the mansion.  
  
"Are you as bored as I am?" Rogue asked Kurt.  
  
"I don't know. How bored are you?"  
  
"Pretty freakin' bored," answered Rogue, "What do you think we should do?"  
  
"Why are you asking me? If I knew I would have said it already! Like if I think we should drive down to Disney World, I would have said 'Let's drive down to Disney Word'. YESH!" said Kurt.  
  
"THAT'S IT!" yelled Rogue so loud that Kurt fell off the chandelier.  
  
"Ouch!" said Kurt as he rubbed his poor little head, "What's it?"  
  
"We can go to Disney World! I've never been there before!"  
  
"Never been to Disney World? Oh you poor deprived child! Go pack NOW!" yelled Kurt as he teleported away.  
  
Rogue could hardly suppress her pure joy as she ran upstairs to pack her bags. She was going to Disney World! HURRAY!  
  
So about 20 odd minutes later, Kurt and Rogue met downstairs. They both had their suitcases and were ready to go to DISNEY WORLD!  
  
"Wait a minute." Kurt said, looking around, "Where is everybody?"  
  
"I don't know. Do you think they're out side or something?"  
  
"Maybe." said Kurt. So he teleported outside and saw... nothing!  
  
"Nobody's out there!"  
  
"Is that a problem?" asked Rogue.  
  
Kurt thought about it for a minute. "NO!"  
  
"Maybe they're all just out somewhere." Rouge thought. And indeed, they WERE out somewhere. The whole mansion had gone to the mall because the Professor had worn all the heels out of his socks and needed new ones. So since he had announced that he needed new socks in the middle the room where everyone except Kurt and Rogue had been standing in, they all decided to take him to the mall! What good students they are!  
  
"So.. How the hell are we going to get to Orlando?" Rogue asked.  
  
"We could take the X-Jet.. But then we'd get killed by Logan. We could take the X-Van.. But then we'd get killed by Logan again. We could take Jean's SUV!" suggested Kurt.  
  
"But then won't we get killed by Jean?" said Rogue, "Not that I CARE about Jean or anything.."  
  
"Well, Jean doesn't have metal claws now does she?" Kurt said connivingly.  
  
"No", thought Rogue, "I guess she doesn't!"  
  
"Then let's go!" yelled Kurt and they both ran towards the garage.  
  
Little did they know, the lady bug on the wall had been watching them the whole time. Said lady bug had heard the whole thing and knew of their plans. So said lady bud decided to hitch a ride to Disney World..  
  
When Kurt and Rogue reached the garage, they were pleasantly surprised that Jean had left her keys in the ignition!  
  
"Don't you think this is a little too easy?" Rogue asked Kurt.  
  
"Naw, Jean always leaves her keys in the car. She thinks that no one would ever even DREAM of stealing anything from her!"  
  
"Hurumf!" said Rogue, "Stupid Jean. That's why I keep all MY valuables in the furnace!"  
  
"You do that too? It must be that beautiful arm linking bond we have between us!"  
  
"Just get in the car." Rogue said as she pushed Kurt into the SUV and then threw their suitcases in the back.  
  
"Are we ready?" Kurt asked Rogue.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"Do you have to go to the bathroom?"  
  
"NO! Now drive damn you!"  
  
"Fine, you don't have to be so mean to me!" Kurt said as he wiped away a tear.  
  
So he started the car and pulled out of the garage and out of the Institute's gates.  
  
"Is there a map in this stupid car?" asked Kurt.  
  
"Hold on, let me check." So Rogue did indeed check and she found a map in the glove compartment.  
  
"Here you go!" she said as she handed it to Kurt.  
  
"Rogue, this is a map of Texas. Do you remember where Disney World is?"  
  
"Uhhhhhh.. Florida?"  
  
"YES! So why do we need a freakin' map of TEXAS?!!" screamed Kurt.  
  
"Well why don't you ask stupid Jean! It's her car!"  
  
"Oh yeah. Look for another map will you? I need to concentrate." Kurt said.  
  
"What would you possibly need to concentrate on?"  
  
"It's a little thing I like to call 'driving without getting killed in an accident'!"  
  
"FINE! I'll look for your stupid map! But I'm not going to like it!" said Rogue as she opened the glove compartment again.  
  
"Kurt?"  
  
"Yes Rogue?"  
  
"Why do you think they call these 'glove compartments'?"  
  
"Hmmmm. Kurt pondered, "Maybe that's where people would keep their gloves while they were driving."  
  
"Maybe." thought Rogue, "Wait, what was I doing again? Oh right, maps." So Rogue looked in the glove compartment again but there were no other maps!  
  
"There aren't any more maps Kurt!" yelled Rogue, "What are we going to do now?"  
  
"Fret not mein shwester! (I have idea if I spelled that right) For my super keen senses will lead us there!"  
  
"What super keen senses?" asked Rogue.  
  
"The ones that I had in the comics! Duh!"  
  
"Okay..."  
  
So they drove and drove and drove AND DROVE until they were both hungry and stopped at a diner somewhere in Delaware.  
  
"Rogue, I just remembered something." Kurt said suddenly.  
  
"What's that?"  
  
"We have no money at all."  
  
"Oh crap.."  
  
"How are we going to eat and pay for gas and a motel room and pay for Disney World?" Kurt started to panic.  
  
But just then, he looked in the back seat and saw a little drawer in the upholstery.  
  
"What's that?" he asked.  
  
"I don't know! Go look in it!"  
  
"But who knows what Jean could be hiding in there?!!"  
  
"It can't be any scarier than you. LOOK IN IT!" yelled Rogue.  
  
"Fine! I will! Just to see the look on your face!"  
  
So Kurt crawled into the back seat and prepared to open the mystery drawer.  
  
"1, 2, 3.!" Kurt opened the drawer. Then he fainted.  
  
"KURT!" screamed Rogue. So she climbed into the backseat and looked in the drawer. IT WAS FULL OF MONEY! The drawer was packed full of hundreds of dollars!  
  
"Kurt! KURT! Wake up! Our problems are over!!!" yelled Rogue.  
  
When nothing happened, she grabbed a wad of 20s and wacked him on the head with it.  
  
"What? What happened?" He asked groggily.  
  
"LOOK!" yelled Rogue, "We're rich!"  
  
So Kurt looked into the little drawer and jumped for joy! Well, he kind of bounced for joy since it was a little cramped in the back seat.  
  
"What do you think Jean is doing with all this money?" asked Kurt.  
  
"Who care about stupid Jean? All that matters is we have money!"  
  
"YEAH! So let's go eat!"  
  
So they went into the diner and they both got lobster to celebrate their new found fortune. But since it was DINER lobster, they were sure to get sick later, but they didn't care! As long as it was only Jean's money, they would spend it on anything!  
  
"Now all we have to do is find somewhere to spend the night!" announced Kurt after they had finished eating and gotten back into the car.  
  
"I think I saw a billboard for someplace called the Lantern Inn a while back. We could stay there." said Rogue.  
  
"Alright! Where is it?"  
  
"How should I know?  
  
"Sigh!" Kurt sighed and started to drive.  
  
So they drove strait and after about 5 minutes they saw the Lantern Inn! YIPPEE!  
  
"What did I tell you?" Rogue scoffed.  
  
"Let's just see if they have a vacancy first before you get all 'I told you so' on my ass, OK?" said Kurt as they pulled into the little parking lot.  
  
The motel had a small lobby that was empty except for a lady with crimped blond hair and a sparkly pink dress who was standing behind the counter with a creepy smile on her face.  
  
"How may I help you?" she asked.  
  
"Um yeah. Do you have a room available for tonight?" Kurt asked.  
  
"Of course we do! That's why we're called the Lantern Inn!" the lady then disappeared behind the counter to presumably find the keys to a room.  
  
"What was that supposed to mean?" whispered Rogue.  
  
Kurt just shrugged his shoulders and then the smiley lady appeared again.  
  
"Here you are, room number 13! Enjoy your stay!"  
  
"Number 13?" asked Kurt as he looked at the key nervously.  
  
"Oh yes. But don't worry, there are only 12 rooms! We decided to skip 7 because we now what an unlucky number it is!" the smiley lady said.  
  
"And may I ask who 'we' is?" Rogue.. asked.  
  
"'We' as in 'we' are the champions and 'we' as in we like to run motels!" she replied. "Is there anything else I can do for you?"  
  
"No, that's ok, we're fine!" Kurt took the key, "Come on Rogue."  
  
They then left the lobby and went outside to find room 13. Mwah ha haaa!  
  
"Here it is," said Kurt as they found room 13 on the very end of the strip of rooms, "What's wrong with you?"  
  
"Nothing. I just don't trust that weird lady in there. I got bad vibes from her!"  
  
"You're way too paranoid!" Kurt laughed even though it wasn't funny as they got their luggage out of the SUV and went in to their room. There were of course 2 beds in the room. Even though it's not REALLY incest  
  
Little did they know that the lady with the blond hair and sparkly dress was watching them out of the little lobby window the whole time. She smiled evily and began to change. Her blond crimpy hair turned bright red and her skin became blue and her eyes turned yellow. It was not a lady with blond crimped hair in a sparkly pink dress at all, it was MYSTIQUE!  
  
"Mwa ha haaaa!" she laughed, "My evil plan is working. They will sleep peacefully tonight, but by tomorrow they will wish that were dead! They'll regret blowing me off!!!" (She's talking about what Kurt and Rogue said to her in "Ascension 2" Mystique had said "Rogue, Kurt? I just wanted to let you know that the things I did, all the things I did, were because..." but then Kurt cut her off and said "Save it Mystique!" and then Rogue said "Even you don't believe your excuses so just leave us alone!" and then they teleported away. There you go, I hope that you're not too confused.)  
  
Just the thought of that made her bubble with anger inside.  
  
"I'll get my revenge on those little punks! Nobody rejects Mystique, NOBODY!"  
  
She went back behind the desk and looked down at the REAL lady with crimped blond hair and sparkly pink dress who was tied up and gagged along with the rest of the motel staff.  
  
"And nobody is going to stop me!" she yelled as lightening flashed and thunder crashed in the back round.  
  
"Now it is time to prepare for phase 2.."  
  
"Excuse me? Do you have any available rooms?" Mystique turned around startled to see none other than.. Charlie Brown!  
  
"Me and my dog need a room to stay in tonight maam," he repeated.  
  
So Mystique punted him out the door and went back to her scheming in peace.  
  
________________________________________________________________  
  
Kurt and Rogue awoke bright and early the next day so they could get a head start on driving. So they left their room and got into the SUV and started to drive.  
  
"Do you have any idea where we are going?" Rogue asked Kurt.  
  
"I told you before! My super keen directiony sense will lead us right to Disney World!"  
  
"Well, I think we're lost!"  
  
"WE ARE NOT!" yelled Kurt looking all offended, "Ummmm, what state are we in again?"  
  
"I think we're in Maryland somewhere.."  
  
"Oh THAT was helpful!"  
  
"Don't patronize me blue boy 'cause I'll take you out!"  
  
"I'd like to see you try, Vampira!"  
  
"Oh I bet you would!"  
  
"Yeah!"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"YEAH!"  
  
"GRRRRRR!" growled Rogue.  
  
They both shut up and just drove in silence for about an hour.  
  
"I'm sorry Rogue," said Kurt.  
  
"I'm sorry too!" said Rogue, "Can I get a hug? Please?"  
  
So Kurt let go of the wheel and hugged his sister.  
  
"KURT, THE ROAD!" screamed Rogue.  
  
He looked up just in time to see a little dog run out into the middle of the road!  
  
"AAHHHHHH!" he yelled as he swerved just in time to avoid hitting it. But he swerved so much that the car went off the road and down the hill towards the river. The little dog just walked away, cackling evily.  
  
"HOLY CRAP!" screamed Rogue as she put her hands over her eyes.  
  
Kurt, thinking quickly, teleported them both just as the car was falling into the water. They reappeared on the edge of the cliff and just stared as Jean's precious SUV sunk like a stone.  
  
The both just stared at it as it sank deeper and deeper and deeper until it was totally gone.  
  
"Now what are we going to do?" yelled Rogue, "We have no money, no car, and we are stranded in Maryland!" she started to hyperventilate so Kurt pulled a brown paper bag out of his pocket and let Rogue breath into it.  
  
While she was trying to catch her breath, Kurt looked around. They were, standing on a cliff, surrounded by nothing but trees and fields.  
  
"This really sucks."  
  
"Ya think??!!!" screamed Rogue, "This is all your fault you know! If you had just kept your eyes on the road.."  
  
"You wanted a hug! I can't just deny my big sister a hug! That's just plain MEAN!"  
  
"Well look where it got us!"  
  
"I did look and maybe instead of shouting and yelling at each other we should try to figure out where we are!" yelled Kurt.  
  
"Fine," said Rogue.  
  
"Fine," said Kurt.  
  
"Fine!"  
  
"Fine!!!"  
  
"FINE!"  
  
"FINE!!!!!"  
  
"Are you finished?" asked Kurt.  
  
"Yes," said Rogue, "Yes I am."  
  
"Good! First, we need to get off this cliff."  
  
So Kurt teleported them off the cliff and back on to the side of the road.  
  
"Do you have a cell phone?" he asked Rogue.  
  
"No."  
  
"What do you mean 'no'? How can you NOT have a cell phone in this day and age?!!" Kurt yelled.  
  
"Well you don't have one either!" Rogue pointed out.  
  
"My fingers are too big for the buttons! I don't have anyone to call anyway!"  
  
"Ok, we'll just have to walk and find the nearest pay phone. Then we can call the Institute," Rogue said, "They must have realized that we are gone by now!"  
  
"Maybe we should have left a note." thought Kurt.  
  
"Come on, let's go." said Rogue.  
  
They began to walk down the road even though they had no idea where they were going.  
  
After they had been walking for about a half hour, a sea gull flew over them and crapped on Kurt's image inducer.  
  
"Damn you bird!" Kurt yelled to it as it flew away laughing.  
  
He looked down at the nasty inducer and his hologram began to flicker and eventually it died, exposing his true blue form to the world!  
  
"JUST great!" he yelled as he threw his hands in the air, "Why does this always happen to me? WHY??!!!"  
  
"At least there are no cars on this road to see you," said Rogue.  
  
"You're not helping!"  
  
So they continued walking and walking and WALKING until they finally saw a little gas station.  
  
"Wait here," Rogue told Kurt.  
  
"No way! What if you get into trouble?"  
  
"I can take care of myself thank you very much!" and with that, she left Kurt hiding in the bushes and walked over to the little station.  
  
"HELLO?" she yelled. "Is there anybody here?"  
  
Rogue walked around the pumps and saw no one so she went into the little shop thing. There was a little man behind the counter with oily overalls on who said, "Can I help you young lady?"  
  
"Maybe, do you have a phone I can use?" said Rogue.  
  
"It's outside by the door," he said.  
  
"Can I borrow a quarter?"  
  
"Sure, but be careful with it. It's got George Washington on it!" the little man said as he handed Rogue a quarter.  
  
"Thanks.."  
  
Rogue walked outside to the phone and saw that Kurt was pressing himself flat against the wall next to it.  
  
"Was there anyone in there?" he asked.  
  
"Yeah, and he gave me a quarter too!"  
  
"So call the Institute!"  
  
"Oh, what number should I use?" she asked him.  
  
"What are you talking about?"  
  
"You know, should we use 1-800-COLLECT or 1-800-CALLATT?"  
  
"Does it really matter?"  
  
"YES! We already stole a car even though it was stupid Jean's, and we should at least be considerate enough not to jack up the phone bill!"  
  
"FINE! Who's better, Carrot Top or Alf?"  
  
"Definitely Alf!"  
  
"Well there you go!" said Kurt like it was the most obvious thing in the world, "Dial 1-800 COLLECT!"  
  
"You watch too much TV, Kurt." said Rogue as she dialed the number.  
  
But as soon as she was finished punching in numbers, instead of hearing the dial tone, a cloud of sleepy gas came pouring out of the receiver.  
  
"What the.."  
  
But it was too late. They both fell down fast asleep. The little old man with the oily overalls came out of the shop and changed into Mystique. Bet you didn't see that one coming did you?  
  
"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again," said Mystique, "Mwah ha haaaaa!"  
  
So she grabbed both Rogue and Kurt's feet and began to drag them away.. ________________________________________________________________  
  
"uuuhhhhggg." Kurt groaned, "What happened?"  
  
When he finally regained his senses, he realized that he was hanging upside down over a huge cauldron of bubbling liquid in some kind of old warehouse. He looked to his right and saw that Rogue was also hanging, though she was still unconscious.  
  
"Did you sleep well?" said a way too familiar voice from below.  
  
"Who's there?" he yelled.  
  
"What's wrong Kurt? Don't cha ya know me?"  
  
He looked down to see that standing there with a huge crazy smile on her face was MYSTIQUE!  
  
"Oh no, NOT YOU!" he groaned.  
  
Just then, Rogue woke up, looked around, and screamed, "What in blue blazes is going on around here? And why am I upside down?"  
  
"Good morning Rogue," said Mystique, "So glad you could join us."  
  
"NNNOOOOO!!!!" Rogue screamed.  
  
"YYYYYEEEEEEEESSSSS!!!!!" Mystique screamed back.  
  
"Can you just stop screaming and tell us just exactly WHY we are hanging upside down?" Kurt yelled at them both.  
  
"I thought you would never ask.." Mystique said evily. "I tried to be nice. I tried to give you the true motives behind my evil deeds and you totally BLEW ME OFF! You can't expect me NOT to get revenge now do you? I'm just that way! So when I heard of your little vacation plans, I decided to come along and do evil things to you."  
  
"But why are we hanging over this big thing of bubbling stuff?" Rogue asked.  
  
"Because this way I can be more evil! All evil villains hang their prey over a huge cauldron of something hot and bubbly!"  
  
"She's got a point." said Kurt.  
  
"What exactly are we hanging over?" Rogue asked Mystique.  
  
"Kitty's chicken noodle soup! Mwa ha haaaaa!"  
  
"NOOOOOO!" screamed Kurt and Rogue as they madly tried to escape their bindings.  
  
"That's right! Squirm my children, SQUIRM!"  
  
"Wait a minute, I can teleport!" said Kurt.  
  
So he teleported out of his bindings and got Rogue out of hers and they both ran out of the ware house.  
  
"Oh yeah, I forgot he could do that," Mystique said to herself. "Actually, I DID remember he could do that, I was just too busy coming up with a creative way to capture them that I didn't have enough time to think about that." Then she walked out of the warehouse and did a little dance on the way. Like those woman in the GAP commercials that annoy me so! ________________________________________________________________  
  
Rogue and Kurt realized that the warehouse they had just escaped from had been in a city. Well, that was pretty obvious. No one would build a warehouse in the middle of the woods or some kind of field! But even thought there was many a people in the city and they could easily find help, Kurt's image inducer was still broken.  
  
So they were hiding in an alley behind the trash cans (na na na na na na na na trash can!) and they were quite stranded.  
  
"Go find a phone Rogue. Just leave me here, I'll be ok," said Kurt.  
  
"But I can't leave you alone!" Rogue yelled as she pulled a banana peel out of her hair.  
  
"Well, we can't find help with me looking like this. If only we had some kind of long coat."  
  
And as if an answer to their prayers, Kurt spied a long trench coat lying on a cardboard box. So he put it on and pulled the hood over his head and they stepped out into the street.  
  
It was a big city full of people and cars and hot dog vendors. They both looked around but they had no idea what city they were in.  
  
"This does not look good for Rogue and Kurt." Kurt said from under the hood.  
  
"Be quiet! You'll draw attention to us!" Rogue hissed, but there were people already giving them odd looks because of Kurt's new fashion statement.  
  
"Let's just find a phone and call the Institute and then everything will be fine," she tried to reassure herself.  
  
"Rogue look!" Kurt whispered to her.  
  
"What?"  
  
He raised his arm a little and pointed towards a pay phone!  
  
"Oh happy day!" she yelled as they both ran across the street towards it.  
  
But all of a sudden, a bus came out of nowhere and drove strait at Rogue and Kurt. They both turned around just in time to see that Mystique was driving the bus and Kurt teleported them onto the sidewalk in the knick of time!  
  
"What the hell is wrong with her? Is she really trying to kill us?" Rogue asked, stunned.  
  
"Screw the pay phone, we have to get out of here now! Before she comes back!!" Kurt yelled as he pulled Rogue down the street.  
  
Since lots of people had seen Kurt teleport they were all running around shouting "Mutants!" and "RUN AWAY!" and what not, so it wasn't easy for them to get away unnoticed.  
  
A crazy man named Frank was running around like a maniac and bumped into Kurt, causing his hood to fall down.  
  
"AAAAHHHHHH!" screamed Frank as he saw Kurt's face.  
  
Rogue ran up and touched Frank and Frank fell down unconscious.  
  
They used this time to get away and teleport to the top of a building.  
  
"What are we going to do now?" asked Rogue as she looked down at the little crazy ant people.  
  
"Can't we telepathically contact the professor?"  
  
Rogue smacked him upside the head and said, "You idiot! Why didn't you suggest that in the first place?!!"  
  
"I didn't think about it, ok?"  
  
"Ugh, let's just try it." sighed Rogue  
  
"Are you sure?" asked Kurt.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Are you positive?"  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"Are you positively sure?"  
  
"YES, NOW SHUT UP OR I'LL PUSH YOU OFF THIS BUILDING!"  
  
"eeep." said Kurt.  
  
"That's better, now let me concentrate." said Rogue. *Professor!*  
  
While all these misfortunes had been happening to Kurt and Rogue, the rest of the Institute was still at the mall!  
  
"Hmmm, I can't decide which I like better, the brown socks or the white socks, the brown or the white, the brown or the white." said the Professor as he held up said brown and white socks.  
  
Everyone else was just sitting around looking bored. They had been in all the shops twice and the Professor still couldn't decide what socks he wanted.  
  
"Why don't you just like get them both? So we can go like home?" asked Kitty who was lying down on the floor of the store.  
  
"What a brilliant idea! I'll. OUCH! Who's trying to talk to me? Oh it's Rogue! Say hi to Rogue everyone!"  
  
"Hi Rogue," came the unenthusiastic reply.  
  
*Professor, me and Kurt are stranded and we don't know where we are and Mystique is trying to kill us! You gotta help!*  
  
*I'd love to Rogue, but right now I've got more pressing matters to attend to. Which socks do YOU like better, the brown socks OR the white socks?*  
  
*What? You'd rather buy socks than save our lives?*  
  
*You never answered my question!*  
  
*Just get the white ones and come save us!*  
  
"Well that settles it! I shall get the brown ones!" announced the Professor.  
  
"THANK GOD!"  
  
"Now please pay for these Logan, while I think to Rogue," he said as he handed Logan his lovely brown socks and some money.  
  
"And as for you reject socks," said the Professor, "Scott, would you please zap these socks? They offend me so!"  
  
"But that is wrong! We haven't paid for them!" yelled Sweater Boy.  
  
"Fine, be a pansy! Who else has zappy powers? Tabitha! Blow up these socks for me!"  
  
So Tabitha blew up the defenseless white socks.  
  
"And all was right with the world!" said the Professor.  
  
*What were you saying, Rogue?*  
  
*Come and rescue us!*  
  
*Oh, sure, why not? I'll send the X-Jet to get you right away!*  
  
*But you don't know where we are*  
  
*OH YEAH, I'll have to use Cerebro. This could take a while. Don't go anywhere!*  
  
"Oh my god that man is insane!" screamed Rogue.  
  
"What did he say?" asked Kurt.  
  
"You don't want to know," said Rogue, then she thought, "Kurt, how do you wear out the heels of your socks when you are always in a WHEEL CHAIR?"  
  
"I guess I wouldn't know! I have no wheel chair and further more, I don't wear socks!" he said as he looked down at his freakish 2 toed feet. "Come to think of it, I don't have heels either! You're asking the wrong guy!"  
  
"Shut up.."  
  
So they both waited on the top of the building for awhile. Luckily, there was a deck of playing cards in the old trench coat Kurt found so they occupied their time by playing rousing games of Poker and Go Fish.  
  
It was getting dark just as the Professor contacted them again.  
  
*Kurt!*  
  
"What?" said Kurt looking at Rogue.  
  
"I didn't say anything."  
  
"Oh."  
  
*KURT! I am your father!*  
  
"Dad?"  
  
*No stupid, it's the Professor!*  
  
*OOOHHH, I get it now! Why are you thinking at me? I thought you talked to Rogue last time.*  
  
*Indeed I did. But she was grumpy, I think it's her time of the month.*  
  
*Is that what you wanted to tell me?*  
  
*NO! I wanted to let you know that we are on our way to find you little ragamuffins and bring you home!*  
  
*So where are we?*  
  
*You're in Chicago! Isn't that just lovely?*  
  
*Uhhh, no?*  
  
*FINE! Be that way. Just stay where you are because we will be there soon! We have to stop and get some pizza first.*  
  
*Can you do that after you save us? We haven't eaten in a while you know!*  
  
*Splendid idea! Where do you get them all?*  
  
*Ideamart?*  
  
*Are you making fun of me?*  
  
*NO*  
  
*Alright then! Be there in a jiffy! Xavier out!*  
  
"That man is clinically insane. Did you know that?" Kurt asked Rogue.  
  
But Rogue had fallen asleep and was snoring so Kurt wacked her on her noggin and she stopped. Then she woke up.  
  
"What?" she asked.  
  
"The Professor is coming to get us and he said he'll be here soon."  
  
"Oh, that's good."  
  
"Yes, it is good."  
  
"Good is definitely a 4 letter word."  
  
"Yeah, you know what else is a 4 letter word?'  
  
"What?"  
  
"Kurt."  
  
"That's not a word, that's your name!"  
  
"Kurt is SO a word!"  
  
"Oh yeah, you're right. Well, Rogue is a word too!"  
  
"But Rogue isn't your real name."  
  
"Bite me."  
  
This could have gone on for several more hours but at that moment, the X- Jet landed on the roof next to them.  
  
"WE'RE SAVED! HUZZAH!" they yelled.  
  
The door opened and out jumped Scott, Jean, and Logan. The Professor was there too but he didn't jump out, he WHEELED out.  
  
"Thank goodness you're okay!" yelled Jean as she hugged them both. Little did she know that her SUV, along with her countless sum of money, were now at the bottom of the Potomac River. She wouldn't be hugging them is she knew THAT now would she? She's be strangling them.  
  
"Are you hurt? Can I carry one of you on my back?" asked Logan. He liked to carry people. It made him feel oh so manish.  
  
"We're fine, let's just go home before Mystique shows up again!" said Rogue.  
  
"Mystique was here? Why I outa." said Scott.  
  
"Yes, but I do believe that you are safe now. And further more, grass is green. Now let us all get some deep dish pizza!" the Professor said as he wheeled back towards the jet. "Last one in is Mastermind!"  
  
"Ewww!" yelled Jean as she flew into the jet. She didn't want to be Mastermind, that was just gross!  
  
So they all walked back to the X-Jet and prepared to leave.  
  
"I wonder what happened to Mystique," Rogue said as the jet took off.  
  
"I guess we'll never know..." Kurt pondered.  
  
Little did they know that clinging to the belly of the jet was none other than.. Mystique!  
  
"Mwa ha haaa! Mwah ha haaaaa! MWA HA HAAAAAAAA!!!!" she laughed.  
  
But just as she was catching her breath after her laughing fest, she noticed that the X-Jet was getting lower and lower over the forest.  
  
"EEEEEEEEEEEE!" she screamed as the jet scraped against the trees and she was caught on a large Sycamore.  
  
"Ooops. Sorry about that, gang," said the Professor as he quickly pulled the jet up and into the fluffy white clouds.  
  
"I'll get you! You'll see! I will have my REVENGE!" Mystique yelled as the jet sped away. "You can't escape Mystique!"  
  
She was clinging to the top of the huge tree and as she began to wave her fist, she broke the branch she was on and fell to the ground.  
  
"Ouch." ________________________________________________________________  
  
"Where's my SUV?" Jean asked the next day. "WHERE IS MY CAR CHILD?"  
  
"Jean, calm down and kiss me!" said Scott as he puckered his lips.  
  
"Not now Scott. I have a huge can of whoop ass and I'm not afraid to use it!"  
  
"Just a little lovin! PLEASE?"  
  
"Not NOW Scott! All of the money I've made being the little mermaid was in that car!" (Jean looks like Arielle, heh heh. Just wanted to add that in case you didn't catch on)  
  
"Please please please please PLEASE!" Scott begged as he grabbed onto Jean's leg.  
  
"Ugh,"  
  
Jean walked out of the garage and into the mansion, dragging Scott with her. She then came upon Rogue and Kurt chatting idly in the kitchen.  
  
"Has anyone seen my SUV?" she asked them.  
  
"I haven't seen it! I don't even remember what it looks like! Do you Rogue?" Kurt asked.  
  
"Ya know, I think I heard Evan mention something about taking the big silver car for a spin. Then he called me a dog and I hurt him. I haven't seen him since!" Rogue told her.  
  
"EVAN, eh?" Jean said with a twitching eye, "Where is he? TELL ME!"  
  
"I think he's in the living room," said Kurt, "or maybe he got stuck in the sofa cushions or something.."  
  
Jean stomped into the living room while still dragging Scott, only to find said Evan lounging on the couch.  
  
"Yo what up dawg? Raise da roof!" Evan said really, really deeply.  
  
Jean then used her telekinesis to punt Evan out of the window and someplace far, far away.  
  
"Let that be a lesson to all!" Jean yelled through the whole mansion, "If you mess with Jean, you WILL get your comeuppance! Come on Scott, let's go make out."  
  
And with that, Jean dragged Scott away.  
  
So Rogue and Kurt laughed connivingly because THEY hadn't gotten any comeuppance at all, and all was right with the world.  
  
END ________________________________________________________________  
  
Some fun facts about this story:  
  
*Mystique was all of these things- a lady bug, a lady with crimped blond hair in a sparkly pink dress, a little dog, a sea gull, and little man with oily overalls.  
  
*The coat that Kurt found was actually Gambit's coat. Gambit was in Chicago in the summer and it got hot. Not wanting to carry his bulky coat around, he ditched it in an alley. Hence the playing cards in the pocket.  
  
*The remarks about keeping your valuables in the furnace is an inside joke between Golden-Tuna and me. So is the part about the trashcan. Don't you feel left out?  
  
So.. Did you like it? I was surprised by how long it turned out to be. 22 PAGES OF PURE CRAP! Please review or else prepare to be poked with a long pointy stick. And remember, keep all your valuables in the furnace. MWA HA HA HAAAAAA! ZANNE loves you all! 


End file.
